Choosing What to Do
When it comes to sexual behavior, there are as many different possible decisions as there are people and couples. Some people feel sexual desire but don’t act on it at all. Others choose to act on it alone through masturbation but decide not to be sexual with anyone else. Some people may decide to engage in some sexual behaviors but not others. The important thing is that you make the choice for yourself and stick to it.
Remember, decisions can change. You may choose to be sexual with a partner today and change your mind next week. Or you may have been sexual with a partner in the past and decide not to be with future partners. Just because you’ve done something before doesn’t mean you have to or even should do it again— even with the same partner. Each decision is unique. So think about it.
Here are some questions to ask yourself before you engage in any sexual behavior.
Who is your partner?
Do you feel safe?
Is it consensual?
What is your motivation?
Is it non-exploitative?
Are you being honest?
Is it pleasurable?
Is it protected?
What does your gut instinct say?
Try This: When faced with a decision try testing your gut instinct. Pick one possible choice and tell yourself it is your final decision. Keep telling yourself that for a few hours or a few days and see how you feel. Then switch to another decision. Do this as many times as there are choices. If you feel differently - whether it’s better or worse—that can tell you if you’re making the decision that is right for you.
On the Rocks: Making good sexual decisions can be complicated under the best of circumstances. If you’re drunk or high, it can be nearly impossible. Alcohol and drugs get in the way of our better judgment. Staying sober is the best and safest bet.